I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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