Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
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Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
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If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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