If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize