you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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