Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they call him Oral-B. enough said
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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