Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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