i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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