My sheets look like a crime scene.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize