So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize