you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize