Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
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he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
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I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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