When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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