I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize