It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
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