He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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