it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
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I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
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I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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