he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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