Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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