There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
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Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
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The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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