break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
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I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
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Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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