I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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