Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
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