I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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