Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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