I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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