Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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