i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize