he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
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Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
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I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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