I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize