3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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