Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
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You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
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I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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