And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You're like the curious george of whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Sorry about my life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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