I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize