of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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