He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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