Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
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The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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