I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize