Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
