i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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