Did you just see the Batmobile???
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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