why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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