Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
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I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
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If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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