I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize