Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize