omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
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Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
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You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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