i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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