WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
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She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
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I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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