Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
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No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
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I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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