Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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