I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize