Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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