I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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